My quarter-life crisis

a quarter-life crisis is a period of life ranging from twenties to thirties, in which a person begins to feel doubtful about their own lives due to stress associated with the transition to adulthood.

Yes, I had one. It hit me pretty hard. I remember staring myself in the mirror and realizing what I had to do to “scratch the itch”. So far, I had done well for myself. Achieved some wonderful things. But. . . I had done everything the “right way”. I did well in school, continued on to graduating high school with an endorsement of excellence, completed my undergrad and continued on to post-grad teachers training. Then I went straight back into an education system as a secondary teacher, teaching subjects that I absolutely loved.

However, I had lived life safe. Always doing the “right thing” or thinking about how my actions might affect others.  I was in a long-term relationship and had been since I was 16. I would go out with my friends but would always offer to be the sober driver or only drink 3 drinks to make sure I didn’t do anything I shouldn’t. Have full control. In my 4 years of university, I went to 1 university party. I was so serious about life, having full control and wanting to own a home. I felt unsatisfied and not content. It didn’t matter what I achieved, I was never satisfied and wanted to achieve more. It was because I wasn’t moving towards my big dreams or reaching my potential. I have A LOT of dreams. Maybe I will list them in a blog someday.

The catalyst for my quarter life crisis was when I turned 25. On my 25th birthday, I had a internal thought that I only had 5 years until I was 30 and there were things I had not experienced or done yet. Prior to my 25th birthday, I already had a pre-quarter-life crisis. I had this plan that would train to be a teacher, teach for 3 years to get registered and build a foundation for my career AND then go to the Philippines to have a go at the big dream. I had finally reached the end of my 3rd year of teaching, but I couldn’t leave. I loved my students. After I turned 25, I went back for a term. To say goodbye.

The crisis wasn’t my job or moving to the Philippines. I knew that I had to do those things so that I didn’t have any regrets. My crisis was realizing that I needed to do this alone. Knowing that the industry I was heading into was full of rejection and needed resilience. I needed to face that myself. My crisis made me face up to some truths and evaluate things that I didn’t want. There were so many things I choose to ignore and things I was in extreme denial of. When my crisis hit, all of the truths that I have suppressed hit me in the face. I had been lying to myself. Logical clarity.  Then, the realization of what I would have to do to correct it.

These things were extremely hard to do. I felt like I had to destroy myself in order to become anew. But I was missing something so important. Happiness. This is what drove me to follow through.

I wanted my chance to find absolute happiness and the feeling of content. The failures and successes will come with this journey but I know that I am giving it my best shot to find it. I am glad that I had my quarter-life crisis 🙂