This blog post can be for you, or general advice when you need to comfort a friend or perhaps you have been thinking about breaking up but don’t know how to make it through the break up itself. Sometimes, all the relationship needs is a break to have the two people realize that they are meant to be together. Understanding the process and knowing that the emotions you are feeling are normal can get you through to stage 3
I remember sitting cross-legged on the edge of a high school friend’s bed and talking her through the stages of a break up. Her boyfriend of 3 years broke up with her through a text message and gave no reasons to why (What a coward). I had hoped that sharing the process of a break up will allow her to gain closure. My experience at that stage, was months before I had my heart broken for the first time and I had already gone through the process.
- The Break Up- Whether you are the one leaving or the one being left, the emotions run high during this stage. This is where the anger and sadness of being rejected or being undervalued happens. Things can be said that shouldn’t in the heat of the moment and the questions of why circulate in your head. Usually, communication breaks down because one or both parties are upset. In some cases the break up can occur because you have lost the spark or fallen out of love. These are a little bit easier to discuss because both parties would have sensed it coming. You can rescue a friendship from this. However, a break up where there has been cheating or dishonesty it would be harder to control the emotions of anger, rejection and pain. What ever you feel during this stage just remember that it is okay to feel that way. Emotions are all part of being a human being, just don’t do anything spiteful.
- Grieving- You have just lost your best friend. A person that you trusted and spent most of your time with. You had plans for the future and would have shared some amazing experiences with them. All of the little jokes and mannerisms you shared in private. This person knows you like no other. This by far is the hardest stage. It is okay to cry and mourn. During this stage many people end up back together because the grief and anxiety is too hard to bare. It is so easy to take the pain away just by running back into each others arms again. That is okay to do but make sure you evaluate why you have broken up in the first place. Getting back together when you know the underlining reason for why you broke up haven’t been resolved will send you straight back to stage 1. Just remember, what ever future you had imagined with this person does not exist in the present. It hasn’t happened and it might not. All you can do is evaluate the present to ensure that going back is the right choice.
- Acceptance- This stage allows you to move on. It required you to be self-reflective and completely understand why you couldn’t or shouldn’t be together. It takes accepting your part in the failed relationship and what you could have done better. Valuable lessons come from this stage and will help you with you future relationships. However, the tricky thing with this stage is that some people never reach it. You do not want to be one of those people because you will forever be stuck in stage 1&2 and that is not good for your well-being. I know of people who have never accepted the break up and hold onto all the anger and pain. Let it go. You will find happiness when you let it go.
I hope this blog gives you an insight of the process of a break up and will help either you or a friend through a difficult time. Let me know if this blog was helpful in the comments below or if you have any further advice to offer to my readers.